Bad One-Sentence Book Summaries

I wrote these for fun! Also, I'm assuming that you've read all of these, because it wouldn't make sense otherwise. 

The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn

Huck gets TOTALLY PRANKED by Tom into freeing Jim (gone wrong)(got shot)(MUST WATCH)


To Kill a Mockingbird

A guy stores toys in trees, but because hole-bearing trees violate Penal code 11.3a.35, the hole was filled up 


The Crucible

She’s definitely a witch because all witches wear pointy hats and all pointy hats look like traffic cones and all traffic cones are used by construction workers and all construction workers are people, and she’s a person, thusly, she’s a witch!

Great Expectations

Joe gave me some more gravy.

Pride and Prejudice

By all known laws of physics, it is impossible to make an "R" rated movie interpretation of this book. 

Great Gatsby

Guy falls in love with a flower, dies. 



North Korea but they actually have hyper-modern surveillance technology and a passive-aggressive fitness program.


Moby Dick

The real villain isn’t the White Whale—it’s the EPA coming after Ishmael because he’s violating the Marine Mammal Protection Act.


The Little Prince

Baobabs are the bane of society. 


Bah, humbug.


Lord of the Flies

Who turned survival mode on?


Why you go to med school.

Dragon Rider

The Free Silver populist movement but with dragons.

The Incredible Journey

Two doggos and one catto do a h*ck'n trek


Free Willy

(READ NOW) Insurance companies hate him—learn how to become a millionaire with only an impact wrench in six easy steps! (READ NOW)

Step 1: Buy a whale (Amazon Prime days are a great opportunity to do so)



Peter Pan book series

A story of drug trafficking, but instead of cocaine, it's starstuff.

The Metamorphosis 

Aww shucks--got turned into a beetle again!


Gulliver's Travels

I lIkE mY eGgS uNpEeLeD fRoM tHe ToP.

Stewart Little

Proof that post-zygotic isolation is a myth invented by evil biologists.

Ender's Game

What bugs see when you reach for a can of Raid.

Where the Mountain Meets the Moon

Make sure to check all your tumors for pearls.

The Adventures of Tom Sawyer

You have to pay to paint my fence

Note: Beware of fence scammers, who paint your fence without paying.



Dear Committee Members

Artichoke salad does not solve relationship issues.


The Tale of Peter Rabbit

How did rabbits learn to bake?

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